Monday, 23 January 2012
How a person reacts to certain situations, and how one copes with change have affected decisions involving families today. Studies have shown that there are effects, whether positive or negative on being a single parent to children.
Conflicting studies have shown that there are positive and negative effects of single parenting. Some studies show that children who have been exposed to single parenting have lower self-esteem that that of shared parenting.
On the other hand, some studies show that single or shared parenting does not have any effect on the growth or well-being of a parent. How a parent deals with a child, and oneself can mold the dynamics of the family, which can lead to the emotional well-being of both the parent and the child.
If the single parent relationship between the parent and child is carefully managed, the following positive outcomes may be felt within the family:
1) Gradual lessening of tension- Prior to being a single parent, feelings of tension are present and are felt by the parents and children.
Oftentimes, the feelings of the child are not felt by both parents. When the situation is explained to the child, this can lead to a feeling of understanding on why the separation happened.
This understanding can help the child cope with the current situation, and thus gradually release tension towards the child’s parents, and to other people as well.
2) More time with each other- Tension felt during the discussions on separation and divorce lead to neglecting children. Screaming matches, and not speaking to each other are common feelings felt by children and the parent.
The effect of being a single parent thus gives more time to address the needs of children, and open communication channels between the two. Planning vacations, and bonding sessions with each other can be a result of this. More time would lead to a more relaxed family atmosphere.
3) Re-establishing ties with the community- Children and parents can work together, and can even establish relationships with the community because of this effect of single parenting.
Single parents can ask help from their neighbors regarding the care of their children, such as baby-sitting or helping out with household chores. This often leads to a positive feeling of involvement on both the parent and the child, and the neighborhood as well.
4) Out of the box experience to the child- Since the child now shuttles between two separate parents, the child can broaden his/her experiences pertaining to life. The child is more sensitive and aware to what goes around his/her life, and can feel that the world does not revolve around him.
5) A sense of accomplishment – When a child is designated with small responsibilities, a sense of accomplishment usually is felt. Since additional responsibilities have been added, a feeling of openness is added to the sense of accomplishment felt. This is because a feat has been done to help out in the household. This makes the child feel that he/she is an important member of the household.
6) Prioritizing to lead to work and life balance – Single parents need to learn the value of prioritizing. Sometimes, new tasks are needed to be able to look for new types of jobs to support the family.
Schedules, school and financial obligations need to be prioritized to be able to maintain work and life balance. Attaining work life balance is a continuous challenge to the parent, due to additional responsibilities of managing a family.
7) Active role in decision making – Children can play an active role in the decision making of single parents. Single parents need additional minds to think most especially in making major decisions.
Posted by turning around at 04:48
The person dating a recently single parent needs to be open and understanding as well. The person needs to understand that there are responsibilities involved, such as defensive feelings from children, as well as comparisons between the new person and the old spouse.
Dating is a combined feeling of excitement, nervousness and anticipation. Added to meeting a single parent’s children double these combined feelings for both you and your partner. The question is, what are the “nice to knows” in dating and meeting single parent’s children?
1) Make sure that the previous relationship has no more to do’s- Studies have shown that the feeling of being treated as a “rebound” is common when dating a single parent. This is because these newly single parents look for partners as soon as possible, to replace the feeling that they had with their own partners. Being the date, a person needs to make sure that there are no more strings to be addressed in the previous relationship of the single parent.
2) Make sure to complement your date of his looks – Newly single parents invest on their looks to be able to boost their confidence. They enhance their looks by coloring their hair, trying on new make-up, experimenting on different scents or losing excessive pounds to prepare themselves on being available in the market again. Complimenting them on how they look will definitely boost their confidence and make your date more open to feedback.
3) Manage expectations that you are different from the previous one- Comparisons are the main reasons for fights between a new single parent and his/her respective date. A newly single parent can either look for a date who has similar characteristics, or look for a date that is entirely different from his previous relationship. New dates need to make sure that he/she is different from the previous one.
4) Maintain a non-sexual relationship with your date at the early stages of the relationship. Be open to the fact that your relationship can either work or not work. Having a sexual relationship may complicate things, most especially if your date has a child.
On Meeting a Single Parent’s Child/ren
1) Understand that there are established routines already – When a single parents lets you meet his/her children for the first time, make sure to understand that there are routines already, and the child/ren see you as a threat to these routines. Just make sure to let them feel that you will not do anything to their routine.
An example is the weekly breakfast routine. When your partner brings you for this routine for the first time, the children will see you as a distraction who will soon take away their weekly routine.
2) Delay the sleep-over– Children today are different in the way they think. Sleeping over connotes sexual relations, even if there is none between the two of you. Try postponing the sleep-overs when you feel that the children have accepted you already.
3) Encourage your partner to separate dating and parent time – Ask your partner to separate dating and parent time. This will not compromise both of your feelings and avoid unnecessary tension.
4) Be open to the fact that you will be introduced when your relationship has long-term potential. –Newly single parents will introduce you to their family if they see that what you have can escalate to a long-term commitment. If you are not yet introduced to his family, give it time.
These are just simple tips to help you out in the phenomenon of dating and meeting a single parent’s child/ren. These tips can go a long way in maintaining a possible relationship between you and your partner.
You always have to watch your actions so that it will not have a deterrent effect on your children. You also have to have an open communication with your children so that you will always have knowledge on what is roaming inside their mind.
Since being a single parent is vulnerable to gossips, we must always be knowledgeable of what is happening around us so that it would not affect our children. The biggest consequence of being a single parent is probably its effect on the child’s reputation and emotions.
In a weak foundation, the child with a single parent might notice his or her difference with other kids. If not properly talked about, he or she might start thinking that he or she is different and it may be a reason for him or her to be disturbed. As a parent, you must always remind your child that he or she is not different from others. He or she is still a normal kid, just like everybody else.
The bulk of the responsibility is thrown mostly to the parent. And honestly, it is really the parent’s responsibility especially during the early ages of your son and daughter. You should always remind your child about his or her status and that it should not affect him or her as a person.
As a parent, you must really be hands-on with how you take care of your children. It is a must that your presence is always felt. That you are always there to guide your kid. It is important and a must that you efficiently perform your duties and responsibilities as a parent.
Single parents must be really close to his or her child. If you concentrate more on work and leave no time for your kids, there might be a gap on your relationship and you and your kid will not be that close.
You should also show your love to your kids for they lack affection. Since you are a single parent, you should give much more love as you are filling in the shoes of both a mom and a dad.
But that is not as easy as it sounds, because you are the only one that makes it work for you and your family. Of course, you cannot do it all by yourself. Single parents are not super heroes but they are close to it.
Time is the biggest enemy of a single parent. And because of that, the biggest consequence of it is having no time to spend with your kids. As a result, you may not be close to him. Another one is because of the lack of a parent figure inside the house when you are not around, the kids might lack the value that parents teach.
Also, because of your absence, the children might not respect your authority as their parent. And at times, because of work, you might be not around during special occasions, like the kid’s birthday, PTA meetings, the child’s recital and other kid of events that require the presence of a parent. Since you are the only working with no support, you might not be able to attend to these and may cause trouble.
A kid requires a lot of work, and if you cannot attend to your child’s needs then he or she might look out for someone else. Your child might be prone to drugs and other bad deeds because of the lack of presence and attention inside the house. The child might even forget that he or she still has a parent.
You must remember it is not how long you spend your time with your kids; it is how you spend quality time with your kids. Even if you are tired from work, you must always let them feel your love. You may not always be physically present but what is important is that we instill in the values and discipline so that they would be able to face the world with the parent on the child’s mind.
The most important thing is that they would understand the situation and respect you for what you are and not who you are not.
Single parents might try to cope with this strain by either trying to compensate by adopting both mom and dad roles, or by scouring the social scene for a partner to help him or her in the rearing of the child. The pressure is definitely high.
However, if truth be told, none of the above will help. If anything, they might even cause you to become more stressed. And when you end up being more stressed than ever, chances are this will reflect and magnify on your child.
If you are a single parent, ask yourself. How does your behavior and general outlook toward life affect your kid? Upon closer scrutiny, you might just find out that your child's constant tantrums and bouts of unexplained anger might just be the result of your continuing negativity. It is for these reasons that you should be careful.
Several studies show that children coming from single-parent households are more susceptible to destructive or rebellious behavior, not just because society imposes the need for a two-parent structure, but also, more often than not, the custodial parent is either too guilty that he or she smothers his child, or too busy to make ends meet to show how much he or she cares.
According to one study, about 90% of the change in crime rates between 1973 and 1995 had been accounted for by children born into single-family setups and those that had been born outside of marriage.
While this is not entirely true for all cases of that cover single parent households, we cannot discount the fact that majority of reports conducted in lieu of single parenthood and crime rates show that they are, indeed, linked.
Children born into two-parent, or 'intact' homes, are also susceptible to committing crime, so it would be impulsive to generalize that all kids under one-parent households are likely to become criminals.
Sure, two-parent settings place some sort of balance to a child's psychological well-being. However, it should also not be discounted that kids who grew up under an unhappy but intact home are also prone to some form of destructive behavior.
If you are a single parent, the best thing you can do to prevent this from happening is to be there for your child. You don't really need to be available 24-7 and spend so much just to show him or her that you care. The mere fact that you make it clear, in the occasions that you can, that your child's well-being is your utmost priority is enough.
Never forget to tell your child that you love him or her. Do away with discussing the negative, especially if it's against the other parent, no matter how distressed you are with him or her.
If you are having trouble reaching out to your kid, particularly if you're realizing this need just now and your child is already a teen, seek counselling. Or have a one on one talk with your child so that both of you will understand each others feelings openly. Honesty is key in a single parent setting. If both parent and child are honest about what they think and feel, the less likely a rebellion would occur.
While you do feel somehow guilty for being a single parent (you may sometimes even think it's your fault that your kid is exhibiting rebellious behavior), you should immediately try to take it out of your system. Guilt will only magnify the ill effects on your child and might even push him or her further into ill behavior.
Simply put, a positive attitude will do wonders. A happy household, whether in a two-parent or single parent setting, is still a happy household. And this is all that is going to matter.
Posted by turning around at 04:05
You would probably fight this feeling often in two ways. Either you try to compensate by being both the mom or dad or you get on one of those wild life hunting explorations to search for a partner to fill in the other role. May I tell you a piece of advice? Neither one of these options will work. It is easier to say it than to do it.
Single parents always bring this feeling of guilt for the reason that their children do not obtain the love and care they could be getting from another parent. So what are you supposed to do? It is a very difficult situation.
For example, you are a single father with three children. This gets even more complicated if two out of the three are girls and you will have to choose between being a mom or to hunt for the mom to be able to have a better orientation for your daughters.
You would most probably go on an exploration to fill the second. Not a year has passed and you would probably go back to being a single parent.
As mentioned, this is never the answer. The lesson on that example is that you cannot replace the mom or the dad. Of course, this does not mean that it is impossible to find people who are ready to be a huge portion of both yours and your children’s life. What is really meant is that this should not be the reason of the relationship you from.
Instead of feeling that you need to replace your wife or your husband for your kids, why don’t you focus on what you need to provide or give to them? Being a single parent is not a reason for you to feel guilty. You should rather be proud that your sons and daughters have you.
This article is written to help you, single parents, realize that your children love you and if you are going to find another spouse or feel guilty, you are not going anywhere. Yo have to comprehend that single parents do not have to have a mate to make your kids glad.
If you are a single parent, then you are probably strongly thinking that you should fill both roles. This is empowered by the feeling of guilt for fitting our children in difficult positions. You have to get over this and recover as fast as you could.
You are only human; you are not a super hero. You cannot do everything by yourself and you should never feel that you are second best just because of this.
Your children do not all the time give a helping hand either. Children are not evil, crazy or anything of that kind, they are just being what they are, kids. It is what kids always do, and it turns out that it really works well for them. You need to adapt to working with your kids with your own provisions and not feel lower than appropriate for the reason that you cannot do something.
In total, you gain the respect of your kids if you follow what this article just said. No matter how much and how well you try, you surely cannot be both your children’s mom and dad. So take this as an advice, quit trying.
You do not need to be fit and lean to make your kids love and appreciate you. They love you just the way you are. You should even appreciate yourself first in order to make your children and others appreciate you. You should know that parenting exercise is different.
Hmmm… You are most probably thinking that being a single parent drains your energy and will not let you have time for yourself. Well, tell you what, it does not. It helps you become stronger and it makes you appreciate yourself because of what you do.
Posted by turning around at 04:04
This special considerations are not only for 'white' Americans. Black single parents, just like any other citizens of the United States, may avail of the special programs that the Federal Government has for American single parents.
In Arkansas, black single parents may enrol for a scholarship program. They may attend college for free, while they receive a monthly stipend to help their way in school. In Arkansas, they believe that if black single parents are educated, or any other American single parents for that matter, their child or children will grow up a better person and citizen.
Everything starts from a family; and in Arkansas, they think that not only a household with a mother or a father can be properly called a family. Even a family being headed by a black single parent can create a happy, successful and peaceful family.
Black single parents who are currently jobless may get assistance from the local government for job placement. The local government will locate a job near the residence of the applicant so as for him or her to manage his or her household while he or she is earning for a living.
In fact, while a black single parent is in the process of job hunting, the local government may assist him or her with the monthly expenses that his or her household may accrue, until such a time he or she finds a job.
Local governments may suggest to black single parents, especially females, to work home based so that they can have more quality time with their child or children. It is now a fact that the internet is not just a medium where a black single parent may meet a new date. Everyone, especially those who has the will to do so, may earn decently through the internet.
Top online shopping marts on the net today rake if not millions, billions of dollar as profit. Black single parents can partake too with the yearly billion dollars of marketing and for profit transactions in the internet. They can sell their own goods via net, and they can offer too their services via net.
They can work as a virtual secretary, content writer, forum posters (yes, they can be paid for that), or marketing or ad clickers. There are various legitimate jobs on the internet. All they have to do is scout via net for a telecommuting job and check their registration at the Securities and Exchange Commission if they really are a legitimate online business.
For household management, black single parents may find group therapy sessions designed for single parents helpful. Group therapy sessions are not only for the disturbed; these help groups are created with the help of the local government to assist white and black single parents in household management.
Even before problems arise, this help groups are there to teach white and black single parents on how to maintain harmony in his or her household and how to be both a mom and a dad to their child or children.
So, of course, when problems arise, these help group will support white and black single parents all the way. They will serve as a shoulder to lean on for white and black single parents who are not with any person to confide their problems with. Besides, sharing ones problems with a co-single parent is the same as sharing ones problems to a friend who understands.
White and black single parents must not pass the opportunities that the local government has in store for them. They can't stubbornly claim that they can raise their child or children on their own. They must accept the help that the local government has extended for them. These help are for the betterment of their household and should not be passed up simply for pride.
Posted by turning around at 04:03
It is believed that the figure has further gone up nowadays. Today, it is estimated that single parents, or the number of single parents in the society, are far more, or have significantly grown over the years.
The assumption can be attributed to the growing perception that single parents are now enjoying the comfort and acceptance by the society that previously were not accorded or provided to them.
Black males are a significant demographic section where the number of cases of single parenthood is significantly and rapidly increasing.
Experts say black males being single parents at the same time pose greater challenge to the person. For one, racial or color discrimination, although the issue is not existing politically anymore, is still bugging a number of African Americans in the country.
Second challenge for the single parents who are black males is their gender. It is found that male single parenting are far lagging behind female single parenting. Although feminism is now on the run, and men and women have equal right, men still are not comfortable to assume domesticated roles in the society.
That is why a number of efforts are initiated by experts and psychologists. To reach the black male- single parents demographic, articles, books and expert advise on single parenting are provided and made accessible over the Internet.
Hence, there are a number of literature or articles that are accessible online and that are targeting the black male single parents around. Here are some of them:
‘Parent Trapped: Dating for Single Parents’. This article is authored by an unnamed single parent. He himself is very much involved in the issue, based on his status.
Thus, it takes one to really and effectively know one. The single parent reader, probably and purposely male black, can relate to the predicaments, joys and experiences of the author. This will be a great reading experience for them.
‘The Bad Rap Against Mothers’. The article is published in a well-know and main steam magazine years ago but is so beautifully written that the essence is far living its life span. The article is written by a single mom, who was abandoned by a black male lover or partner.
‘The Bad Rap Against Mothers, Part 2’ is the second installment or spin off of the first. The article aims to help readers by enumerating and analyzing the hardships and difficult situations single parenthood poses to single moms. In this article, the single mom-author imagines how it could have been if she had been the one to leave his black male ex-partner.
‘The Bad Rap Against Mothers, Part 2’ also aims to create the next generation of very ‘exceptional men’ who will grow up gracefully with manners and principles that will never ever aim to hit or disrespect women and other beings. The author believes single parents can do exactly that—raising good and well-founded men.
‘Come Back Home’ is excerpted from the very popular and best-selling ‘Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul: Stories of Hope, Healing and Humor’. The article incites that every single parent has his or her own different and personal story to tell.
However, the differences are bounded and should be unified by the thread of comfort and of hope that aims to give out peace of mind to everyone.
‘Get More Time with your Children and Manage Your Child Support’ is written basically and particularly for black males who are also single parents. The article can also apply and touch the hearts of white males who are also single parents.
Through the article, readers will have a sneak peek at the personal and actual expenses and money issues surrounding male single parents, both black and white.
‘Dreaming Through the Twilight’ is somehow mushy and cheesy as the title implies. However, the article, which is also published in a book---a collection of personal diary-style articles---is so profoundly written. The article targets principally the black male single parents who are difficultly dealing with their current single parenthood situations.
Posted by turning around at 04:02